A dear friend, Davene, lent me a book entitled Sparkly Green Earrings by Melanie Shankle. She writes a blog called Big Mama, and I find her to be funny and endearing.
While reading I found myself laughing hysterically on one page, with tears filling my eyes the next. This book was able to sum motherhood up on paper, with all its happiness, horrors, hope, and harried moments, something I wish I were able to do with such humor and eloquence.
Since I cannot, however, I wanted to share with you a couple of my favorite excerpts from the book, quotes that made me cry, both with happiness and sadness for everything that being a mother means to me.
These words resonate with my heart. While there is absolutely nothing wrong with taking care of one's outward appearance (Most of you know that I enjoy fashion -- and bargain hunting -- immensely.), my main concern is the character of my children, not what they look like outwardly.
I pray more than anything that Connor and London will accept Jesus into their hearts, and walk in the world with confidence about who they are, with the aim to make a difference in the lives of others. I pray that they will be kind and selfless, and will have hearts for others.
Mothers have been "letting go" since the beginning of time, but it doesn't make it any easier for this mom. I have only been on this motherhood journey for four years, but the love I have for these little people consumes me sometimes, both with excitement for their future potential, as well as fear for any hurt and disappointment they may encounter. It was only after becoming a mother that I understood the depth of pain that God must have experienced when he allowed Jesus to come to Earth, to know what he would suffer, but to allow it to happen anyway.
Becoming a mother changed me. I didn't stop wearing impractical heels, much to the chagrin of most of my family, but from the moment I looked into Connor Alexander Davidson's eyes (and three years, five months later, into London Elise's) my heart was no longer simply beating inside my chest, living for my own desires and successes. I have been irrevocably intertwined with these two other human beings, and their well-being means more to me than my own. It feels as though my own heart is walking around inside them, I love them so much.
I know that someday they will both leave me, and until they have children of their own, they will never understand the crazy, strong, boundless love I have for them, but they are worth it. They are worth every dirty diaper, every sleepless night, every fear for their health and future and happiness. They are only mine for a little while, and as much as I could use a nap and a hour or two of mindless tv every now and then, I wouldn't trade this journey of motherhood for any of my days before they arrived.
(However, I am not saying that a spa day, or a few hours to read a book uninterrupted would be turned down should they be offered.)
P.S. My mom should especially appreciate the "Guess" reference in the above excerpt...she and I have fond memories of her mortification over a ruined Guess outfit in an unfortunate rollerblading incident when I was a child.