I often find myself wondering what I have actually accomplished at the end of the day, mainly because I am such a Type-A personality who feels the constant need to have a list to check off and things to do that I unconsciously find myself telling Jason all the things I did while he was at school so he won't think I was just a lazy bum all day, since the floor I cleaned, and the laundry I did, and the living room I picked up are all in disarray by the time he walks in the door. (I have an even greater appreciation -- and a teensy bit of jealousy-- these days for mothers who work inside the home. The job is so hard but so rewarding. I hate missing moments with my kiddos, even though I truly believe and pray that I can make a difference in the lives of my students as well.)
However, as frustrating as that feeling of a lack of accomplishment to someone with my personality is, at the same time, I am trying to soak in what God is teaching me during this time. It's okay if the laundry piles up, or crumbs from Connor's lunch are under the table, or that the gigantic tent Jason put up in Connor's room stays up entirely too long. IT. IS. OKAY.
The time I have exclusively at home with my babies is now limited to three more weeks...three weeks before I go back to my normal, hectic schedule of juggling school, home, church, kids, husband (although he probably shouldn't be so far down the list), and so on.
Thankfully for me, my job allows a good deal of time off in the summer, and I think I am looking forward to this summer as much as my favorite summer of all time -- the first summer after Jason and I were finished with both our Masters and Rank I and had NO classes. :)
Having London has really caused me to slow down and appreciate the moment. It is not that I didn't appreciate Connor, but now seeing how quickly time goes with her makes me realize how much I missed with him in being busy, stressed, and wanting him to hit all his milestones as quickly as possible and become a "big boy." Now I want more than anything for him to stay my little boy, but he now to me looks gigantic compared to London. He's a BOY, not a baby, and I am realizing more than ever that these moments, while some of the most frustrating, stressful, and difficult as a parent (Wow, I have learned that three year-olds can have attitude!), they are the moments I'll be wishing I had back one day.
So if you see me running around frantically, remind me to SLOW. DOWN. Life is short and I don't want to miss the important things because I was too busy to see them. I pray that God will help me remember this lesson and not to miss what really matters.